Did I just say Shouting can be OK?, yes you heard it right. As long as the heat of your anger isn’t boiling over into out-of-control, then it can actually be positive for both you and your children to express your emotions loudly.
It helps your children develop empathy, because they can hear how much they’ve upset you. And it can also prepare them for high-pressure situations or a strict person, such as having a teacher, coach, or boss who might blow up at them when they fail to perform at their expectations or when they do something wrong.
There are a few things to keep in mind when shouting:
1. Shout when it is appropriate
You have to be very well aware about yout inner state. Have patience to analyze whether you are shouting because you are tired, not in good mood or have your child really done something which needs your shouting?
After a long tiring afternoon, I sometimes find myself irritated over little things. Once I realize that, I try to relax, compose ans recharge myself. Then I tell my son in a stern voice to make sure my son takes it as a threat like "Dad is not in a good temper, so please help me by not loosing my temper and listen to him now". Ofcourse if he still does not listen, there are chances I shout but I will try to make him understand that our energy levels affects our moods.
2. Be careful with your language
Try to use “I statements” rather than “you statements.” As in, “I’m feeling disappointed and angry because you won’t share it with your friend,” and do not say, “You’re not being nice!” Don’t get into hurtful language, and don’t rant for too long that your kid just stops listening to you and runs away. Let’s say I will admit to say positive curse word every now and again, which also communicates how upset I feel.
3. Focus on your feelings
Try to focus on your feelings and the behavior that triggered them, even in the center of shouting. In other words, don’t just shout like “This house is a mess!” or “You never listen to what I say!”. Be with why you are shouting, and what your child needs to do in order to make it stop. “I’m feeling irritated and I know that you can hear my voice and I’m angry because you aren’t obeying me.” Or, “I’m shouting because I’ve asked you three times to clean up your room and you aren’t listening to me. I need you to clean your room immediately.” This conveys to your kids that you’re not out of control, that they haven’t pushed you over the edge. Rather, it shows that you’re aware of your shouting and you are doing it purposefully, with intention to get noticed.
Finally, if you do lose your temper or say something that you should’nt have said it, just apologize for our behaviour as we are all grown up enough. Apologizing after making a mistake, and respectfully and honestly making amends for a wrongdoing, is just as important as responsible yelling.
Though shouting at your kids can be alarming but it can be a realistic consequence of hurtful, aggressive behavior that needs to stop. Shouting is not in itself abusive or emotionally controlling. Shouting is in the range of normal emotional expression and it can be a very effective parenting tool only if used appropriately. Getting steamed up about something is alright, as long as you’re not losing control over yourself and being a jerk. Don’t forget, you’re a parent, but you’re human too.
Cover image source: https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/ordinary-parents-berating-teenager-son_1469396.htm#term=parents